


Ready to Run Away

by homosociallyyours



Series: Adventures in Larenthood [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Established Relationship, M/M, Parenthood, Teacher Louis, United States
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 12:41:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14044473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosociallyyours/pseuds/homosociallyyours
Summary: When the stress of parenting, teaching, coaching-- life in general --start to feel like too much, Louis wonders if he can hack it as a father. Harry is there to remind him that yes, he can. (American AU)





	Ready to Run Away

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was also written as part of an ongoing challenge using the book 1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names for our prompts. To read the other fics written in this challenge, [click here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/ShortFic_Challenge_For_Which_There_Is_No_Name/works). You can find more information on the challenge and reblog the masterpost on tumblr by clicking [here](http://lululawrence.tumblr.com/post/159679804243/1000-feelings-for-which-there-are-no-names-prompt).
> 
> Written for prompt #55: The dismay of realizing how much you’re like your father. Just a couple words of warning: Louis engages in a lot of negative self talk that might be a bummer if you struggle with that sort of thing. And Liam talks about being bullied and the threat of being outed. 
> 
> Also a reminder that this is an American AU, so Louis is coaching soccer instead of football, etc. I imagined this being set in the states for 2 reasons: 1) I didn't have the capacity to research British high school things and 2) I have been wanting to set a fic in the Atlanta metro area, and that's where I decided this is (I may end up writing something with this iteration of Harry and Louis prominently featuring Waffle House in the future). 
> 
> Finally, big thanks to my beta, [angelbabystrange](http://angelbabystrange.tumblr.com) for encouragement, suggestions, squee, and being the reason I'm in this fandom in the first place.

Louis was running, fast and free, across the tops of the trees. Harry was there too, of course. Not on his right or his left, but all around him, his voice a whisper against Louis’ ear: “you should see if you can fly like me.” Louis laughed as he leapt up, his arms catching the air so that he was soaring over the trees, watching the green of the leaves meld with the blue of the sky. It was beautiful, and he wondered if Harry was seeing it too. He was going to ask when a sharp cry startled him awake, his eyes opening as Harry flicked the bedside light on. 

“I can go,” Harry said, shoving himself up and out of the bed. “You’ve got an early day, haven’t you?” He scrubbed at his eyes and turned to look at the baby monitor. “It’s probably just a change anyway.” 

Louis turned his face into the pillow and stifled a groan. “S’alright, love. You already got him once tonight, and I won’t be able to get back to sleep now anyway. Besides, you look exhausted. Go back to bed, yeah?” Harry yawned as he leaned down to give Louis a quick kiss on the cheek. 

“You’re amazing, Lou. The best dad,” he said, climbing back into bed and snuggling under a blanket. Louis smiled fondly as he turned the light off and went to go check on Jack. 

Harry was right-- it was nothing more than a wet diaper --but Louis knew that if he could get Jack to take a bottle now it might give Harry an extra hour or two of sleep in the morning. He went downstairs and prepared the bottle, humming as he gently bounced the baby with his free arm. “Alright, little man. Bottle time so Papa can get some sleep, ‘kay?” He sat down and held the bottle out for the baby, letting him clasp his hands around it as Louis kept a finger at the end to stop it from falling. 

Once Jack was fed and burped, Louis sang him back to sleep, swaying back and forth with him until he was ready to be put back in his crib. At that point it was 4:30 in the morning, and Louis took his time starting his day. He had a shower, drank a mug of tea, and ate two bowls of cereal in front of the television, watching cartoons with the sound off. He was gone before Harry was awake, glad to beat the traffic into school even if it meant that he was the second person in the building after the morning janitor. 

Louis used the extra hour and a half he’d gained by coming in early marking response essays for his morning literature class and looking over the petition that the student president of the GSA had sent him, and by the time his first class arrived he felt ready to be done with his day. Fortunately the class held some of his favorite students, and they ended up having a lively discussion on symbolism in “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” that left him feeling invigorated by the time their hour was up. 

But by lunchtime his energy was waning again. He pulled out his phone and found a snapchat from Harry of Jack in his high chair, fingers and cheeks smeared with an orange paste that the caption-- our little pumpkin --told him was likely to be pureed pumpkin. He smiled and wrote back, “too cute! Bathtime tonight tho, I suppose?” 

He set his phone down and thought of the rest of his day: two more classes before his free period, during which he’d need to look over student proposals from the Drama Club for their upcoming one act festival, followed by soccer practice-- a longer one than usual, because the girls had a chance at state championships this year and he’d promised them that he’d run a new drill that could help with their footwork --and ending with going back home to Harry and Jack, where he’d be just in time to help with a bath and getting Jack to sleep before he ate the cold leftovers of whatever Harry had made for dinner. It made him so tired that he was ready to curl up under his desk and hide, but his phone alarm beeped, alerting him to the fact that he only had ten minutes left to eat. He shoved his sandwich in his mouth and opened up his lesson plan for his next class. Might as well pretend to be ready for it. 

Louis had just pulled out the one act proposals when he heard a knock at his door. “Mr. Tomlinson?” a tentative voice asked. He looked up and saw Liam, the GSA treasurer and one of his favorite kids, and he nodded his head to welcome him. 

“What’s up, Liam? You’re not skipping class right now, are you?” he raised his eyebrows, hoping Liam knew he was teasing. Of all the GSA members, Liam was the most serious and earnest. He’d never dream of skipping class. 

“No, study hall this period. Can I talk with you about something?” Liam was standing at Louis’ desk, shuffling his feet and staring at the ground, and Louis closed the folder that held the one act proposals as he gestured for Liam to sit, focusing his attention on him. 

“I’m here for you, Liam. What’s the matter?” 

That was all it took for Liam to start talking, spilling out the details of by a boy who lived next door to him and who had threatened to tell his parents that Liam was a GSA member. Louis sighed, shaking his head. He knew the boy Liam was talking about and could see that the bullying was probably a way of dealing with his own internalized homophobia, but he couldn’t very well tell Liam that. Instead he listened, offered support, and waited til Liam had said everything before he spoke. 

“Alright, so first off, thank you for coming to me with this. It means a lot that you trusted me, and I’m so glad you chose to come to an adult with this problem. And second, are you looking for sympathy, advice, or support from me? I’ll do whatever I can to offer any or all of them.” Louis waited, pushing his box of tissues toward Liam as he sniffed loudly and wiped at his eyes with the back of his sleeve. 

“Um. I guess all three?” Liam ducked his head as if worried that was the wrong answer.  
“Okay. Well, I’m sorry you’re in this situation. It sounds really difficult and I hate to see you going through it, but you’re handling it amazingly well and with a lot of maturity,” Louis said, watching Liam smile gratefully. “And I think especially if this behavior is taking place on school grounds, we need to sit down and have a talk with the person who’s doing it. Outing someone can have far-reaching consequences, and I’d hope that anyone who threatens to do something like that doesn’t understand what they’re suggesting. I know that’s hoping for a lot. But I think talking with him might be a good place to start. I can do it alone, we can do it together, or I can do it along with one of his favorite teachers? I seem to remember he does well with Mr. Malik.”

“What if talking just makes him do it, though?” Liam asked, his brow furrowed with worry. It was enough to give Louis pause, because the truth was that he didn’t know. He was probably giving terrible advice and was setting Liam up to have his life ruined. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, thinking about what to say next. 

“Well. It’s a Gay-Straight Alliance by name, and you being a member doesn’t say anything about your sexuality. The previous faculty advisor was a straight man, and some students join because they think it might help their college applications,” Louis said, suddenly noticing that his free period was almost up. “So if you aren’t ready to come out, those are some things you could say. And I’ll be on your side even if you aren’t in the GSA. You can still come talk to me about anything, yeah?” 

Liam nodded back at him and gave him a watery smile. “Yeah,” he said as if trying to convince himself. “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks Mr. Tomlinson. You’re the best.” 

“I’ve gotta get down to the soccer field for practice, but if you want to talk more about this you can come by this same time tomorrow and we can make a plan. Keep your chin up,” Louis said, patting Liam on the shoulder. Liam gathered up his bag and left, giving Louis five minutes before he’d absolutely need to be down at the soccer fields to change for practice. He looked at the one act proposals on his desk and the new stack of grading that had piled up with the quizzes he’d given in third and fourth periods and wondered how he’d possibly get everything done, scrubbing a hand through his hair and muttering, “fuck it,” as he left it all behind and headed down to the field. 

Practice wasn’t any easier than the rest of his day. The girls were off their game, not talking to one another and missing passes that they’d normally have no trouble with. He pulled them into a circle and made them run simple passing drills until he felt like they were tuned into the game and set them back to work on the field, only to get annoyed when two of his senior players started ignoring their teammates in favor of controlling the ball themselves. They still had a good 45 minutes of practice left, and Louis felt like giving up. Instead he blew his whistle and got everyone back together to show them the drill he’d promised, hoping the change of pace would do the girls good. 

“Thanks Tommo,” Perrie said as she helped him gather the stray balls off the field. She was only a sophomore but had earned a place as the team’s goalie by working hard all season, and Louis had a feeling she’d be a shoe-in for team captain the following year once Eleanor graduated. Louis tilted his head at her questioningly. 

“For what?” 

“We were playing for shit today. Thanks for not going off on us about it, I guess.” She rolled a ball toward him and he shoved it into the net bag at his side, shrugging back at her. 

“Everyone has off days, Pez. Even me,” he said as he walked alongside her off the field. 

“Doesn’t seem like it though,” she said. “You’re a good coach.” She gave him a friendly punch in the arm and he smiled back at her, shaking his head. 

“Well we’ll hope tomorrow is a better day for everyone, on field and off. Now off you go; I think I see your mom’s car in the lot.” He gestured toward the parking lot and Perrie gave him a wave as she jogged over to the car. He threw the balls into the equipment closet and debated going back to his classroom. It was nearly 6 o’clock, and if he left now he’d hit the tail end of traffic, but the thought of waiting a half hour and missing most of the traffic made him want to lie down on the ground and not get back up again. 

He pulled out his phone to text Harry, and saw a message waiting for him. “Chicken and veg stir-fry awaits. Also two dirty boys.” The picture attached was Harry, his hair in a messy bun and with smears of green and orange on his shirt and cheek, holding up Jack, who seemed to be covered in the same substances, his onesie looking like a painting project gone wrong. Louis tapped out a return text as he walked back to his classroom, thinking that he really should look over the one act proposals even if it meant staying another hour. 

“Know the orange is pumpkin but what’s the green??” 

Harry’s reply took a moment, and Louis imagined him trying to keep his phone away from Jack’s messy hands as he struggled to type something back. “He wanted to taste Papa’s kale smoothie. Not a fan!” 

Louis rolled his eyes and laughed. “Smart boy,” he replied. He waited til he’d sat down at his desk to type his next text. “Need to finish up a project quickly. Leaving in an hour? Hopefully sooner.” Harry didn’t respond, and Louis assumed he’d read the text and been disappointed. 

Harry’s job doing freelance photography gave him the flexibility to stay home with Jack most days, and while it was obvious that he liked it, Louis couldn’t help but wonder if he felt annoyed on nights like this when they’d probably see each other for a couple of hours before needing to crawl into bed and shut off the lights. Not to mention that Harry had apparently had a busy and messy day with the baby with Louis nowhere in sight to help with it. 

He let out a deep sigh as he opened the folder of one act proposals and started reading. He was able to narrow it down to what he considered the best five choices in a little less than the hour he’d expected, and he stuck a post-it on each one with his notes on what he liked so that he could drop it into the drama teacher’s mailbox before heading out. He gathered his things, drained the last sips from the now cold thermos of tea he’d made earlier in the day, and checked his phone before leaving. He had a message from Harry and opened it up as he walked to his car. 

“Long day, ugh. See you when you get here.” Louis frowned and closed the text, not wanting to think about it anymore than he had to. Yet he couldn’t help but imagine Harry being exasperated, throwing his hands up and muttering “see you when you get here” while rolling his eyes. Annoyed. Over it. Louis got in the car and started driving home, not taking the highway right away for reasons he couldn’t quite name. 

It was dark by the time he arrived home. Harry’s car was in the driveway, so Louis parked his on the street in front of their house, turning off the lights and cutting the engine so that the quiet surrounded him immediately. He laid his head on the seat and enjoyed the silence, keeping still so as not to disturb it. “Sometimes I just wanna leave, you know?” he whispered to himself after a while. “Fuck off. Start something new.” 

The emptiness of the car seemed to answer him, telling him to continue. So he did. “It’s like. I could just not have to deal with everything.” He thought about Liam. About what would happen if the bully actually outed him and his parents ended up kicking him out. He thought about the soccer team. The girls not winning state and his seniors not getting into their top colleges because of it. Letting down all the kids. And then Harry. And Jack. 

“Sometimes it’s too much. It’s all just...too fucking much,” he said, moving to rest his head on the steering wheel, his hands gripping the wheel from behind, tightening and releasing as if that could help the tension leave his body. As if it could make him want to stay. 

He tried to imagine what it would be like to leave. Driving two towns over and staying in a cheap extended stay motel while he finished out the school year, then going to California to surf-- to “find himself” really --before settling in a different shitty town and living an alternate version of his current life. 

“Just like my dad,” he said aloud. “I’m turning out just fucking like him.” He hit the steering wheel once with his fists, the horn emitting a quick beep. He turned to the house and saw that Harry was watching him from the porch, Jack balanced on his hip. He was barefoot and bare-chested, wearing his robe and a pair of Louis’ pajama pants, and when he realized that Louis had seen him he smiled, lifting Jack’s hand in a wave. 

Louis grabbed his bag with a sigh, climbing out of the car and trying not to be too down on himself. He may want to leave, but he hadn’t. He wasn’t quite as bad as his own father. Yet. 

Louis kissed both Jack and Harry on the cheek when he reached the porch, trying to pretend like he hadn’t had a difficult day. The house smelled good, as though Harry had just finished making the stir-fry, and Louis set his bag aside to head into the kitchen and check. Sure enough, the food was still sizzling in the pan and the rice cooker was set to warm. “Smells amazing, baby,” he said, stirring the food with the wooden spoon that was sticking out of the wok. “How’d you time it so well?” 

“Ended up giving Jackie a bath before I cooked once I saw you were gonna be at work so late. He’ll need to go down in a half hour or so, but I thought we might be able to eat together for a bit at least.” Harry set Jack in his play chair and wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist. “Y’alright, babe?” he asked, nuzzling the spot behind Louis’ ear and pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. “You sat in the car for a while. Wanna talk about it?” 

Louis turned to face Harry, hoping his expression wasn’t giving too much away. “Maybe later? Let’s eat for now,” he said. “I’ll put Jack in his high chair if you’ll serve the food?” 

“Okay,” Harry said, running his hand down Louis’ arm. “Later.” They shared some light conversation while they ate, most of it focused on Harry’s day with Jack. When Harry would try to turn the topic around to Louis and his day, he’d subtly-- or not so subtly --shift it back to Jack. In the back of his mind he was thinking about the couple of times he’d tried to make contact with his father. How he’d said that he just needed to feel free to live his life and that he couldn’t do that with a wife and kid. Now Louis was no better. 

“Sound good, Lou?” Harry asked. Louis realized he hadn’t heard what Harry had said before, and he responded with a hum and a tilt of the head, which he hoped could mean both yes and what did you just say all at once. Harry seemed to pick up on this, his mouth twitching into a half-smile as he said, “so I’ll take Jack upstairs and get started with bedtime, and you’ll join us after you clear the table, then?” 

“Yeah, ‘course baby,” Louis said, standing up and stacking the plates as Harry fussed with the high chair. He loaded the dishwasher and set the wok in the sink to soak, then joined the bedtime routine in time to sing a lullaby with Harry. Jack’s eyes were fluttering closed halfway through, and when they closed the door and checked the monitor they saw that he was already curling and uncurling his hands like he always did after he’d just fallen asleep. Harry nodded toward the stairs, and Louis followed him down, settling onto the couch as Harry flicked the kettle on. 

“Tea?” Harry asked, pulling down two mugs because he already knew that Louis’ answer would be yes. Louis told him yes anyway, pulling up their DVR menu and scrolling through for a show that they might be able to watch together. Nothing had caught his eye by the time Harry joined him on the couch, two steaming mugs of tea in hand, and he set the remote aside hoping Harry would pick something. Instead Harry clicked the television off and pulled Louis’ feet into his lap after he’d settled in, looking at him expectantly.

“Why are you looking at me like that, Haz?” Louis asked, knowing the answer but hoping he could get out of a serious conversation if he stalled long enough. 

“You know why. I know you hate having feelings talks, but I can tell something’s off and I’m really not gonna leave you alone til you tell me what it is. So you might as well spill it.” He tugged on Louis’ big toe and watched him, waiting for Louis to give in. 

“Fine. It was a rough day. Um,” Louis considered what to include. “Long, I guess. Class was alright, dragged by a bit in the middle. Then the treasurer of the GSA came in to see me during my planning period.” 

“He’s the serious one, right? Leo?” Harry asked. 

“Liam. But yeah, serious. Really sweet. He’s getting bullied by this kid who...if I’m honest, he’s probably gay as well but like, not anywhere near being able to do anything about it. But he’s threatening to out Liam to his parents, and I had to figure out how to handle it.” Louis thought about the advice he’d given, doubting it anew. “I offered to sit down with him, maybe bring Zayn in because I know the kid likes him. Or does well in his classes, at least. And I told Liam that if he did get outed and it was focused on the GSA, he could still choose not to tell his parents he was gay.” 

Harry nodded. “That’s decent advice, Lou. But hard to give.” He squeezed Louis’ ankle gently. “How’d he take it?” 

“He seemed grateful. I dunno. Didn’t feel like enough to me.” Louis shrugged, looking down instead of at Harry. “Then practice was a bit of a bust. Everyone was just...off. And I didn’t really get to the bottom of why that was. Just kept trying different things and getting frustrated when they didn’t work.” 

“Well this was your first practice after those state exams, right? Maybe that threw them off?” 

Louis looked up, eyebrows raised. “I’d forgotten about that,” he said. “The days just kind of,” he waved his hand back and forth quickly, “right now.” Harry massaged his instep and Louis flexed his foot appreciatively. “That feels amazing by the way.” 

Harry hummed in agreement and continued rubbing at Louis’ feet for a moment, nothing but the sound of their breathing and the low crackle of the baby monitor between them. “Are you really not going to tell me what else is going on, babe?” Harry finally asked. “You were in the car for almost ten minutes after you got home, half the time slumped over the steering wheel like you were passed out, and then you leaned back and slammed your fists into the wheel.” He waited a moment to see if Louis would respond before he spoke again. “Do you need me to guess, or?” 

“No, no, sorry love. It’s just…” Louis thought of the things he could say that weren’t the ugly truth, but in the end it all sounded fake. Harry knew him too well for any of it to ring true to him. “Sometimes I guess I just don’t want to be responsible for anything anymore. Like I think about running away from everything, and then feel like shit about having those thoughts?” He ran his hand through his hair. “Just feel like I’m turning into my father sometimes and I just, I never thought I’d do that. Every choice I made in life was about not being like him, and then here I am, ending up just like him anyway.”

Harry put his hand over Louis’ and gave it a squeeze. “Hey,” he said quietly. “I know you won’t believe me, but everyone feels that way, babe. I mean, it’s not always, right? Just sometimes?”  
Louis nodded and let Harry continue. “Yeah, then basically everyone has that. And you? You do a lot. Not just for the kids at school, but for me and Jack.” 

“But you don’t have that. That feeling of wanting to escape. You’re so good at this. Us. The baby. And you’d never sit in your car and imagine driving off to California and saying fuck it to everyone you’ve ever cared about just so you could find yourself,” Louis said, voice quiet and full of bitterness. 

“Babe, look at me,” Harry said, squeezing Louis’ hand again. “I do. Sometimes I go to a wedding shoot and imagine other people’s lives and picture myself in them. And when I cover a big event for the paper I think about being famous. And sometimes you and Jack are there, and sometimes not. Because it’s not easy raising a baby or being in love with someone. It’s work. Sometimes it’s hard work.” Harry sighed. “Doesn’t make either of us shitty people to want things to be easier.” 

“I just don’t do enough. And I couldn’t do what you do every day. I mean, I love Jack so much, and I’ve taken care of babies a lot, so I know I could, technically, do it. But I go off to work and leave you here and it’s…” Louis felt his legs shaking and paused to look at Harry, who was laughing quietly to himself. “Oh my god, Haz, I’m trying to do this serious and emotional shit and you’re actually laughing?” He pushed his heels into Harry’s thigh. “What could possibly be funny?” 

“I’m sorry, Lou. I couldn’t help it!” Harry said, swallowing his laughter. “It’s just that that’s how relationships work. You and I are so good because we can share the hard things. We do what we’re able to and we show up for one another all the time.” Harry shifted Louis’ feet back into his lap. “I’ve never once felt like you weren’t there for me, all in, 100%.” 

Louis pulled at Harry’s hand and shifted his legs so that he could invite Harry closer. “Come here,” he said as Harry fitted himself between Louis’ legs, wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist. “Sometimes I feel like I really don’t deserve you.” 

Harry pinched Louis’ side and snuggled in closer. “But you do. You’re good, Lou. Like really one of the most amazing people I know.” Louis settled his hand in Harry’s hair, stroking gently over his soft curls. They fell asleep that way, slotted together on the couch in a way that couldn’t really be considered comfortable but which was just good enough considering how tired they both were. When Jack woke them a few hours later with his cries, Harry pulled Louis up off the couch and sent him to bed while he did a quick diaper change and put Jack back to sleep. 

Louis was drifting off again when Harry climbed into bed, but he was just awake enough to roll over and invite Harry to curl up next to him, his back to Louis’ chest and his curls a soft tickle against Louis’ nose. That night Louis dreamed he was on a boat, paddling over a glassy lake. The shore seemed to stay the same distance away no matter how hard he paddled, and he wondered vaguely if he’d ever reach it. He was about to stop paddling when a touch on his arm make him turn to the side. Harry was there in a boat like his, and the two of them clasped hands. “It’s better when there’s more of us,” Harry said in the dream, and suddenly Jack was in Louis’ boat and a little girl was in Harry’s. The shore seemed closer already.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! If you liked this fic, please consider leaving a comment/kudos or saying hi on [tumblr](http://homosociallyyours.tumblr.com)
> 
> Fic post is [here](https://tmblr.co/Z0sn1v2WTgZbx) if you'd like to give it a reblog!


End file.
